Is Your Teen Dating an Abuser?
Updated June 08, 2015.
You may not like your teen's boyfriend or girlfriend, but does he or she show the signs of being an abuser? Teen domestic violence and abuse is a common and very concerning problem -- one in 11 teens admits to being physically abused in a dating situation in the past year, according to statistics provided by the CDC's National Center for Injury Prevention and Control. Furthermore, one in five teens reported being a victim of emotional abuse, and one in five teen girls reported being a victim of sexual abuse in a dating relationship.
If your teen hasn't been abused, he or she is likely to know someone who has been abused by a romantic partner.
Abusers have characteristics that they share. Your teen's boyfriend or girlfriend may have a few, many or all of these characteristics. If you recognize these signs, or if your teen comes to you with concerns about someone behaving in these ways, it is important to take the situation seriously. Your teen's mental and physical well being is at stake.
Note: This cycle can happen with the female as abuser and male as abused, or between two women or two men. The pronouns used are strictly for ease of reading, not because the cycle can not occur between other genders.
An abuser might:
If you see these or other signs, your teen may be in an abusive relationship. If you think your teen is dating an abuser, talk to her about your concerns. Sending your teen to this and other sites on teen dating abuse may help her to recognize the situation for what it is. If she will not admit to the abuse, or minimizes what is happening, seek out the advice of a counselor or your local domestic violence organization. The National Domestic Violence Hotline will be able to refer you to your local organization.
Sources:
How Can I Tell if I Am in an Abusive Relationship? Break the Cycle. March 15, 2009. http://www.thesafespace.org/pdf/handout-how-can-i-tell-if-i'm-in-an-abusive-relationship.pdf
Warning Signs. Choose Respect. CDC's National Center for Injury Prevention and Control. March 15, 2009. [link url=http://www.chooserespect.org/scripts/teens/warningsigns.asp]http://www.chooserespect.org/scripts/teens/warningsigns.asp
What is Domestic Violence? National Domestic Violence Hotline. March 15, 2009. http://www.ndvh.org/get-educated/what-is-domestic-violence/
You may not like your teen's boyfriend or girlfriend, but does he or she show the signs of being an abuser? Teen domestic violence and abuse is a common and very concerning problem -- one in 11 teens admits to being physically abused in a dating situation in the past year, according to statistics provided by the CDC's National Center for Injury Prevention and Control. Furthermore, one in five teens reported being a victim of emotional abuse, and one in five teen girls reported being a victim of sexual abuse in a dating relationship.
If your teen hasn't been abused, he or she is likely to know someone who has been abused by a romantic partner.
Abusers have characteristics that they share. Your teen's boyfriend or girlfriend may have a few, many or all of these characteristics. If you recognize these signs, or if your teen comes to you with concerns about someone behaving in these ways, it is important to take the situation seriously. Your teen's mental and physical well being is at stake.
Signs of an Abuser
Note: This cycle can happen with the female as abuser and male as abused, or between two women or two men. The pronouns used are strictly for ease of reading, not because the cycle can not occur between other genders.
An abuser might:
- Push for quick commitment to an exclusive dating relationship.
- Be possessive of your teen's time, wanting your teen to spend all of her time with him instead of with friends or family or doing other activities.
- Be extremely jealous of anyone who might be thought of as a romantic rival, to the point of being abusive.
- Want to know where your teen is at all times.
- Not take no for an answer, or will disregard your teen's thoughts or feelings in other ways.
- Use guilt to get what he wants (“If you loved me...”). Might threaten to hurt himself or commit suicide if the relationship is ended.
- Blame the other person for his actions (“If you wouldn't have...I never would have gotten mad.”)
- Have a history of failed relationships, abusive relationships, or even criminal charges from past abuse.
- Pressure your teen to not work or not go to school.
- Try to control your teen's money.
- Threaten to hurt your teen, her family or friend, or her pets.
- Embarrass or humiliate your teen in front of others.
If you see these or other signs, your teen may be in an abusive relationship. If you think your teen is dating an abuser, talk to her about your concerns. Sending your teen to this and other sites on teen dating abuse may help her to recognize the situation for what it is. If she will not admit to the abuse, or minimizes what is happening, seek out the advice of a counselor or your local domestic violence organization. The National Domestic Violence Hotline will be able to refer you to your local organization.
Sources:
How Can I Tell if I Am in an Abusive Relationship? Break the Cycle. March 15, 2009. http://www.thesafespace.org/pdf/handout-how-can-i-tell-if-i'm-in-an-abusive-relationship.pdf
Warning Signs. Choose Respect. CDC's National Center for Injury Prevention and Control. March 15, 2009. [link url=http://www.chooserespect.org/scripts/teens/warningsigns.asp]http://www.chooserespect.org/scripts/teens/warningsigns.asp
What is Domestic Violence? National Domestic Violence Hotline. March 15, 2009. http://www.ndvh.org/get-educated/what-is-domestic-violence/
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