What courts expect from separating parents
WHAT PARENTS CAN DO ABOUT SEPARATION AND WHAT THE COURT EXPECTS.
Going to Court is a daunting prospect even when you have to attend for your work. As a Child Contact Consultant I spend a lot of my time in Court and know exactly what is expected of me but I still feel nervous when I go before the bench.
So what is expected of the parents? I found this really useful guide in one of my old files but can't for the life of me remember where it actually came from? Nevertheless it's a valuable resource so I'm sure no one will mind my sharing it with you.
Before applying for an order the court expects you to have thought through a couple of things beforehand:
• 'As parents, you share responsibility for your children and have a duty to talk to each other and make every effort to agree about how you will bring them up;
• Even when you separate this duty continues.
• Try to agree the arrangements for your child. If talking to each other is difficult, ask for help. Trained mediators can help you to talk to each other and find solutions, even when things are hard.
• If you cannot agree you can ask the court to decide for you.
The law says that the court must always put the welfare of your child first. What you want may not be the best thing for your child. The court has to put your child first, however hard that is for the adults.
• Experience suggests that court-imposed order work less well than agreements made between you as parents.
The court therefore expects you to do what is best for your child:
• Encourage your child to have a good relationship with both of you.
• Try to have a good enough relationship with each other as parents, even though you are no longer together as a couple.
• Arrange for your child to spend time with each of you.
Remember, the court expects you to do what is best for your child even when you find that difficult:
• It is the law that a child has a right to regular personal contact with both parents unless there is a very good reason to the contrary. Denial of contact is very unusual and in most cases contact will be frequent and substantial.
• The court may deny contact if it is satisfied that your child's safety is at risk.
• Sometimes a parent stops contact because she/he feels she/he is not getting enough money from the absent parent to look after the child. This is not a reason to stop contact.
Your child needs to:
• Understand what is happening to their family. It is your job to explain.
• Have a loving, open relationship with both parents. It is your job to encourage this. You may be separating from each other, but your child needs to know that he/she is not being separated from either of you.
• Show love, affection and respect for both parents.
Your child should not be made to:
• Take the blame for the break-up.
• Hear you running down the other parent (or anyone else involved).
• Turn against the other parent because they think that is what you want.
You can help your child:
• Think about what he or she feels about the break-up.
• Listen to what your child has to say:
• About how she/he is feeling
• About what he/she thinks about any arrangements that have to be made.
• Try to agree arrangements for your child (including contact/visitation or residence) with the other parent.
• Talk to the other parent openly, honestly and respectfully.
• Explain your point of view to the other parent so that you don't misunderstand each other.
• Draw up a plan as to how you will share responsibility for your child.
• When you have different ideas from the other parent, do not talk about it when the children are with you.
If you want to change agreed arrangements (such as where the child lives or goes to school):
• Make sure the other parent agrees.
• If you cannot agree, go to mediation.
• If you still cannot agree, apply to the court.
If there is a court order in place:
• You must do what the court order says, even if you don't agree with it. If you want to do something different you have to apply to the court to have the court order varied or discharged.'
Copyright 2011 Kenn Griffiths, All Right Reserved.
About the author:
Kenn Griffiths is a writer, Investigator, Social Worker and founder of the internationally acclaimed website http://www.mychildcontact.com
You are free to publish this article but do include our link.
Going to Court is a daunting prospect even when you have to attend for your work. As a Child Contact Consultant I spend a lot of my time in Court and know exactly what is expected of me but I still feel nervous when I go before the bench.
So what is expected of the parents? I found this really useful guide in one of my old files but can't for the life of me remember where it actually came from? Nevertheless it's a valuable resource so I'm sure no one will mind my sharing it with you.
Before applying for an order the court expects you to have thought through a couple of things beforehand:
• 'As parents, you share responsibility for your children and have a duty to talk to each other and make every effort to agree about how you will bring them up;
• Even when you separate this duty continues.
• Try to agree the arrangements for your child. If talking to each other is difficult, ask for help. Trained mediators can help you to talk to each other and find solutions, even when things are hard.
• If you cannot agree you can ask the court to decide for you.
The law says that the court must always put the welfare of your child first. What you want may not be the best thing for your child. The court has to put your child first, however hard that is for the adults.
• Experience suggests that court-imposed order work less well than agreements made between you as parents.
The court therefore expects you to do what is best for your child:
• Encourage your child to have a good relationship with both of you.
• Try to have a good enough relationship with each other as parents, even though you are no longer together as a couple.
• Arrange for your child to spend time with each of you.
Remember, the court expects you to do what is best for your child even when you find that difficult:
• It is the law that a child has a right to regular personal contact with both parents unless there is a very good reason to the contrary. Denial of contact is very unusual and in most cases contact will be frequent and substantial.
• The court may deny contact if it is satisfied that your child's safety is at risk.
• Sometimes a parent stops contact because she/he feels she/he is not getting enough money from the absent parent to look after the child. This is not a reason to stop contact.
Your child needs to:
• Understand what is happening to their family. It is your job to explain.
• Have a loving, open relationship with both parents. It is your job to encourage this. You may be separating from each other, but your child needs to know that he/she is not being separated from either of you.
• Show love, affection and respect for both parents.
Your child should not be made to:
• Take the blame for the break-up.
• Hear you running down the other parent (or anyone else involved).
• Turn against the other parent because they think that is what you want.
You can help your child:
• Think about what he or she feels about the break-up.
• Listen to what your child has to say:
• About how she/he is feeling
• About what he/she thinks about any arrangements that have to be made.
• Try to agree arrangements for your child (including contact/visitation or residence) with the other parent.
• Talk to the other parent openly, honestly and respectfully.
• Explain your point of view to the other parent so that you don't misunderstand each other.
• Draw up a plan as to how you will share responsibility for your child.
• When you have different ideas from the other parent, do not talk about it when the children are with you.
If you want to change agreed arrangements (such as where the child lives or goes to school):
• Make sure the other parent agrees.
• If you cannot agree, go to mediation.
• If you still cannot agree, apply to the court.
If there is a court order in place:
• You must do what the court order says, even if you don't agree with it. If you want to do something different you have to apply to the court to have the court order varied or discharged.'
Copyright 2011 Kenn Griffiths, All Right Reserved.
About the author:
Kenn Griffiths is a writer, Investigator, Social Worker and founder of the internationally acclaimed website http://www.mychildcontact.com
You are free to publish this article but do include our link.
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