Free "65 Haircut Sinks Romney"s Campaign!
Thank God For The U.S. Media's Brutal Honesty
by Michael D. Hume, M.S.
Mitt Romney, as a presidential candidate, is frightening. Really. I mean, as a guy who claims his state's government health care was OK but our Dear Leaders' federal version isn't, Romney joins a long line of whatcha might call "flip-floppers" in the Republican party.
Ronald Reagan was a Democrat and a union boss before he saw fit to follow a different course. Lawyer John Adams defended British soldiers who fired on innocent rock-throwing Occupying colonials before he famously joined those rebels. Martin Luther was a Catholic; the Apostle Paul used to throw Christians to the lions before he wrote a big chunk of the New Testament. Flip-floppers! And the GOP's national committees have never apologized for any of it!
So it's no surprise the hard-working muckrakers of the national media found the story that will undoubtedly ruin Romney's campaign hopes - his past has finally caught up with him! Seems when he was a snobby high school kid in the sixties, Romney saw a male classmate with long hair, and he was all like, "he can't look like that." So Romney and his posse held the hippie down and cut his hair! And, come to find out, this formerly-long-haired kid might possibly have been gay, maybe, as far as you know!
The story broke the day after President Obama made history by saying he was for gay marriage (though he's done nothing to promote it, and now says it's a state issue and he can't do anything about it). This is the opposite of what the president said (several times) as a candidate in 2008, but it's the same position he clearly held in 1998. But he's not a Republican (far from it), so that's not a flip-flop. It's called an "evolution" in his thinking. The main thing you need to know, if you're a wealthy gay campaign donor, is that the prez is WITH you! And this new revelation proves his opponent is AGAINST you.
After all, the story is based on actual accounts from eyewitnesses, and Romney has already apologized for whatever he did just 47 short years ago. The "actual account" was largely augmented for purposes of "readability," but that's not the point. Oh, and the eyewitnesses turn out to be only one eyewitness, but that's also not the point. Oh, and that one eyewitness? He says he wasn't actually there, he just heard about it... but that is also not the point. And whether or not the hippie was actually gay is certainly not the point. The point is that this Romney guy, aside from being a Republican and a churchgoer and a free-market businessman (all bad enough!), was caught possibly practicing unlicensed hairstyling!
Seriously, was this the only haircut Romney gave? He never mentioned it before... what else is he hiding? What did he charge for his barber services... we need to demand he open those books and come clean with the American people! And I'm sure the IRS will be quite interested in what must be unreported and untaxed hairstyling revenue from Romney's sordid past.
No, we can't have people getting away with things like haircuts and high-school pranks and random capitalism, and we certainly can't elect such a person as leader of the "free" world. Kudos to the media for exposing Romney! Here's hoping they'll continue to dig into this shady character's past, just as thoroughly as they did Barack "I Tried Drugs Enthusiastically" Obama's.
by Michael D. Hume, M.S.
Mitt Romney, as a presidential candidate, is frightening. Really. I mean, as a guy who claims his state's government health care was OK but our Dear Leaders' federal version isn't, Romney joins a long line of whatcha might call "flip-floppers" in the Republican party.
Ronald Reagan was a Democrat and a union boss before he saw fit to follow a different course. Lawyer John Adams defended British soldiers who fired on innocent rock-throwing Occupying colonials before he famously joined those rebels. Martin Luther was a Catholic; the Apostle Paul used to throw Christians to the lions before he wrote a big chunk of the New Testament. Flip-floppers! And the GOP's national committees have never apologized for any of it!
So it's no surprise the hard-working muckrakers of the national media found the story that will undoubtedly ruin Romney's campaign hopes - his past has finally caught up with him! Seems when he was a snobby high school kid in the sixties, Romney saw a male classmate with long hair, and he was all like, "he can't look like that." So Romney and his posse held the hippie down and cut his hair! And, come to find out, this formerly-long-haired kid might possibly have been gay, maybe, as far as you know!
The story broke the day after President Obama made history by saying he was for gay marriage (though he's done nothing to promote it, and now says it's a state issue and he can't do anything about it). This is the opposite of what the president said (several times) as a candidate in 2008, but it's the same position he clearly held in 1998. But he's not a Republican (far from it), so that's not a flip-flop. It's called an "evolution" in his thinking. The main thing you need to know, if you're a wealthy gay campaign donor, is that the prez is WITH you! And this new revelation proves his opponent is AGAINST you.
After all, the story is based on actual accounts from eyewitnesses, and Romney has already apologized for whatever he did just 47 short years ago. The "actual account" was largely augmented for purposes of "readability," but that's not the point. Oh, and the eyewitnesses turn out to be only one eyewitness, but that's also not the point. Oh, and that one eyewitness? He says he wasn't actually there, he just heard about it... but that is also not the point. And whether or not the hippie was actually gay is certainly not the point. The point is that this Romney guy, aside from being a Republican and a churchgoer and a free-market businessman (all bad enough!), was caught possibly practicing unlicensed hairstyling!
Seriously, was this the only haircut Romney gave? He never mentioned it before... what else is he hiding? What did he charge for his barber services... we need to demand he open those books and come clean with the American people! And I'm sure the IRS will be quite interested in what must be unreported and untaxed hairstyling revenue from Romney's sordid past.
No, we can't have people getting away with things like haircuts and high-school pranks and random capitalism, and we certainly can't elect such a person as leader of the "free" world. Kudos to the media for exposing Romney! Here's hoping they'll continue to dig into this shady character's past, just as thoroughly as they did Barack "I Tried Drugs Enthusiastically" Obama's.
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