Reader question:

I have been close friends to two girls for seven years now. I don't have a big social group (not by choice) just didn't get the chance to meet more people.

Anyway I had an argument with one of them which she took a comment I made wrong and fought with me. She blocked all forms of contact and the only way I could defend myself was on Facebook publicly.

The rest of the group (about ten people) all blocked me and took her side because they have known her longer. I literally have nobody to speak to and I'm losing people all around me because of whatever she's saying.


 

Answer:

It sounds like a tough situation! I’m sorry you’re dealing with all that. There are a couple things that stand out to me in your letter. One is the fact that these friends of yours have all gone on the other person’s side, even though you’ve been friends with them for seven years. My first question is: Are these people good friends? Good friends wouldn’t just turn their backs on you for no reason.

You don’t provide much history on what’s transpired with this group, but you do say that you went to Facebook publicly to defend yourself. This could make your friends feel as if you’re an active part of this argument, instead of just saying something wrong and apologizing for it. Instead, their perception could be that you are attacking their friend by talking about her on Facebook. It could be one reason why they aren’t speaking with you right now. It’s always better to take the high road during an argument and not try and get others in your friend group on your side.

The other thing that stands out in this letter is that you say you don’t have many friends, but not by choice.

The thing is, making new friends is a choice. It rarely just happens on its own. You need to make an effort to meet new people and form a friendship from there.

You can try one last time to reach out to your friend (the one you had the argument with) and apologize. Take responsibility for whatever you did and then say you’d like to start again if she’s willing. If you don’t hear from her, do some self-reflecting and take the lessons you learned (both positive and negative) from this group of friends and move on to meet other people. It’s possible this group of friends is just not right for you.

 

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