There are a few reasons why family discipline will always be a hot-button issue.
First, it is an intensely personal matter.
It takes place inside the home and is decided on differently from parent to parent.
Oftentimes parents' methods of discipline are directly influenced by their own memories of childhood: either they seek to replicate their own parents' methods or they are specifically trying to not repeat what they may have since decided was the wrong level of discipline.
While some things are considered universal (children shouldn't be beaten nor should they be given cigarettes and the keys to the car), the details vary an incredible amount.
Today's parent knows that more than anything, dialog is the best discipline.
Any good lesson, whether a punitive one or not, should be a clearly packaged idea for the child to understand.
Whether they're given a time out for an hour or have a video game taken away; the most important thing is that the child knows why it happened.
This is hardly news to parents but it is crucial to remember the power of a conversation because due to the nature of memory, children who are feeling frustrated or punished will be tempted to block out anything other than perceived unpleasantry.
Most of us knew that one kid growing up whose parents let them do anything.
They seemed to be able to come and go as they please and were oftentimes the source of jealousy from their peers who imagined complete freedom to be the ideal life.
On the opposite end of the spectrum, there's usually at least one other friend whose parents who kept them on a short leash, so to speak.
Maybe you were one of those kids.
Regardless, one interesting thing about home discipline is that it factors so keenly into children's own perceptions of their identity and even their social standing.
Kids, especially teens, often size each other up based on things like curfews.
Discipline, fundamentally, is about safety.
Like a vaccinating shot, it's not something that anybody wants to do and sometimes it even hurts, but it (hopefully) spares everyone from greater pains further down the line.
But even if we all understand that it's necessary: the question remains- what is the best way to do it? And how much? The biggest factor that determines the answer to these questions is the child or teen themselves.
Different personality types respond to different stimuli.
For one kid, the idea of a week without video games might not bother them at all.
For another, the same prospect is the end of the world.
Some may be more naturally argumentative and may want clear reasons for their punishment spelled out, while others may be more sensitive to the actual nature of their discipline.
No matter who or what, though, what you're communicating in the end is a system of checks and balances, actions and reactions.
As infants and toddlers, it's necessary for survival and health to be completely taken care of.
Growing up means learning that your mistakes won't just be cleaned up nor will your actions be carried out without repercussions.
But these lessons come second to and overall sense of security and love that a home should provide.
It's important to separate action from person.
Even if your kids or teens do something truly indefensible, it's important to say "that was a bad choice" or even "you made a stupid decision" and never "you're bad" or "you're stupid".
Mistakes happen on both ends, however, so if you do slip up and lash out, make an example and apologize once you've cooled down.
"Don't let the sun go down on your anger," as the saying goes.
Kids and teens are feeling wild swings of emotion, desire for freedom, and frustration.
Showing them that an adult controls these feelings and makes amends when they can't is a lesson that will steer them well as they navigate the tough waters of young adulthood.
Discipline in the home can be stressful for kids and parents alike.
As such, it's important to be consistent.
Then while your child or teen may still not like it when they're disciplined, they at least aren't surprised if you've been clear about ground rules and consistent in how you handle discipline.
Along with consistency, clarity is important.
Mentioned above is the need to fully explain what lesson or value you're trying to communicate; but one must remember that this only works if you've been clear about why you set the rules in the first place, and what, exactly, the rules state.
In the end the thing to remember about discipline is that it's the lessons and the communication that surround individual methods that are important, not the methods themselves.
If you can find ways to let your kids understand this and not simply have the "life's not fair" sensation eclipse all other dialog, then you've succeeded.
It's a balance that is tricky to find and takes careful planning and a willingness to perfect your system over time, even years.