Readers unfamiliar with the psychology term cognitive
dissonance would probably like to stay that way.

But unfortunately I'm not very good at picking up subtle
cues like "I have a boyfriend" or "stop putting your
privates in the fruit punch" or even "perhaps you
should stop pulling out your knife at parties, Mohawk" so
I'll just keep on talking.

Basically if it wasn't for cognitive dissonance, your...

Head Would Freaking Explode

This is how that little cabeza of yours works (cabeza is
Spanish for "head", damn you guys are learning a bunch
today)…

Step 1. Thought pops in cabeza…such as "Gee, I'd like
an apple"
Step 2. You either get an apple or you don't
Step 3. Thought disappears

What's going on? Either you get an apple and you're
happy.

Or you don't get an apple and you keep on looking -
getting more stressed out because you know your evil
girlfriend has taken all of the apples and hidden them like...

Some Sort of Pseudo Easter Apple Bunny...

...in July even though you promised her you'd stop pelting
the crazy crossing guard lady with apples when she's not looking - until you do.

Eventually your mind starts to freak out so much because
you can't find the apple so you drop the thought
altogether.

This little freak out is caused by holding two
contradictory ideas simultaneously - wanting an apple vs.
the reality of not having one.

And there is only two ways to relieve this stress caused by
you freaking out…either get the apple or stop thinking
about it.

Think about it, when you can't find your car keys don't
you get madder and madder until you do? And if you really
really need your keys - like say because if you don't
find them you'll be late to court for the third time in a
row for not paying your child support payments on time and
the stupid judge will throw you in jail again, and then how
do you expect me to make money to pay my stupid child
support payments if I'm in jail - you can't just stop
thinking about finding them.

That's cognitive dissonance at work.

Your mind comes up with some thought and seeks it until the
stress becomes so unbearable and it gives up to go seek
something else.

This whole rant comes to mind because I was at the beach
the other day and I walked past a 10 year old boy
complaining to his mom. He kept on saying, "Mom, I'm
bored."

Seeking to free the little boy from his boredom - and
impart a little bit of unsolicited worldly advice to the
little bastard - I scream at him,

"Dammit you young fool!"

Don't you know you are starting a viscious cycle
where insisting to yourself and those around you that you
are bored…you are setting up a cognitive dissonance
feedback loop that will grow wildy out of control throwing
you into deeper and deeper fits of depression…until some
outside stimulus engages you only further cementing your
stupid and wrong beliefs that the way to happiness isn't
self reliance, self motivation, and a can do attitude…but
the slave-like and leeching happy-taking behavior that
drives away fun, spontaneous, and happy people in the first
place?"

Like most young mothers she gave me this menacing snarl for
absolutely no reason. But then I realized she didn't have
a wedding band on, and I figured she was just mad because
the guy who knocked her up realized what an awful life he
would have if he married her and hightailed it out of
dodge.

So that made me feel better about myself.

Mohawk Sez: A lot of good things happen when you focus on
yourself. By making yourself better in many aspects of your
life you attract good, smart and successful people into your
life because that's the type of people they want to be
around. If you don't do this…you're an idiot.