I heard from a woman whose husband was just diagnosed with terminal cancer.
 Her question to me: What should a woman do before her husband dies? My heart went out to her, along with my admiration.
  Instead of going into denial, she went into action.
  Death is not easy to talk about, let alone prepare for.
  What would you do in her situation?  After all, most women will face a similar dilemma at some point.
I'll never forget, when my father got ill, I went to my mother.
  "Do you know what Daddy has planned for you when he dies?" I asked.
"Oh yes," she replied quickly, but when I pressed her for details, she couldn't tell me.
  She also made it abundantly clear:  this was not a conversation she wanted to have.
  I made it even clearer:  avoidance was not an option.
  Here's what we did: 1.
 We had "the talk.
" I had my Mom sit down with my Dad and we looked at all the financial documents:  bank statements, investments, estate planning, etc.
  This was not, by any means, an easy conversation.
  Dealing with death is emotionally excruciating, at least it was for us.
  Nerves were frayed.
  My Mom glazed over.
  My Dad lost patience.
  I kept scratching my wrist (a nervous habit) until it bled.
  But by the end, my Mom knew where every penny was and what arrangements he had made...
and hadn't made.
2.
 We assembled "the team.
" My Dad was very much a do-it-yourselfer.
   I wanted my Mom to have her own team of professionals to support and guide her (during and after).
  First on our list was to hire an estate lawyer...
we found one (through my sister).
  Mom, my sisters and I met with him first, brought in my father, and together my parents created a very good, tax efficient estate plan...
which my Mom not only understood, but had a big role in creating.
3.
 We updated documents.
  We made sure the Will, Power of Attorney, EVERYTHING reflected their latest info and current wishes.
4.
 We envisioned a future without Dad.
  My mom started thinking about living single: how much money she'd need to live on (a lot...
 she wasn't going to work nor did she have to, but she did like to spend), how she wanted her money invested (very conservatively), and who would assist her with this.
  The whole family helped her find an investment advisor (we interviewed 3).
  She also hired a CPA - after a while, it became clear he wasn't a good fit, so she recently hired someone else.
  She meets with her "team" on a regular basis to this day.
5.
 We had regular family meetings.
These meetings, though often emotional, were absolutely wonderful in getting everyone on the same page while Dad was still alive.
  Meetings included my sisters, spouses, and all the grandchildren (we eventually had great grandkids crawling around too).
  My Dad let everyone know what his wishes were, especially for philanthropy, and enrolled the whole family to the board of his foundation.
  These meetings drew us closer in many ways.
6.
 Mom talked to friends.
She'd had several friends who lost their husband's, so she talked to them at length.
They gave her great advice which really helped her see life goes on, happily so.
Having done these things, by the time my father died, all my mother had to do was grieve.
 Every detail was in order.
  There were no surprises.
All papers signed.
 All major decisions made.
 Her team was in place.
 Practically speaking, his passing was seamless.
 It was not an easy process.
 Sadly, many of us will go through this.
 But, being prepared financially, will make it a little easier.