A cold evening and somehow the noise has died down.
I find my way up to the top of my apartment for no particular reason.
The day was good.
The breeze was strong, yet somehow it slowed down, as if in a mark of respect to me it seems to have bowed to me.
It's not gushing any more, just flows down gently singing a soothing note and cool just enough to send surprising a chill down me now and again.
There are children playing down there, but they seem distant..
almost in another world.
I lie down with my hands behind my head, looking at a sky that somehow seems new.
There is a new sky tonight.
My breath slows down, deciding to rest for a while.
Its been running hard for over 2 decades now, but the air seems to have put it in a strange trance..
and it seems to lay down beside me..
taking a pause before toiling to keep me alive again...
give me this moment it seems so much mine for in this moment i feel i own time I close my eyes, the darkness seems lighter today.
The perpetual black of the night has a strange hue of a color I don't know of..
there is a spark in the horizon which I don't really see.
I felt as if someone was looking over me; a moment passes by and now I feel someone is looking at the world through me and my closed eyes.
Eyes open, I sit up staring at the window of an apartment across the road.
I don't realize anything, I can't figure out anything.
Resting on my hands stretched behind me I look up at the sky.
It is blank, much like my mind and so thoughtless I stare.
It seemed as if a heavy mind just lost its weight and floats.
A feather with a golden tinge is all I see though it is nowhere near me.
I bask in that moment.
I see nothing, I hear nothing..
I think nothing..
yet at that moment I didn't feel no happiness..
of course there was no trace of remorse either, but it wasn't a state of happiness...
still I wanted to remain in that state and just as I thought a shy smile spread..
a loud honk below and my eyes open..
I hear the noise below...
children laughing and shouting, the birds of the evening chirping flying about with a cheerful disposition to themselves.
The thought of happiness ..
the smile..
it broke me away from that moment..
I was feeling cheerful now but it wasn't what I was a moment back..
this cheeriness seemed incomplete for its not what I sought...
I wanted to be in that moment ..
thoughtless and pristine..
I looked around trying to find an answer ..
a happy man was looking for something beyond The moment passed it never came back...
and I wonder now is it happiness that we seek in life..
staring at the world from up above i saw the impostor that a smile be