Holding a Mirror Up to a Relationship and Seeing yourself
Never is it more challenging in a love relationship to realize that the love has gone and the time for action to begin a separation process has begun. I have found in my own life that I have invariably waited far to long to begin that process and, in turn, have caused a greater rift in the end.
I guess it is my own failing, or, my nature of wanting a better ending that I can possibly see coming if I stay the course. Whatever the reason, I have, more often than not, felt the sting of not taking decisive action. Perhaps it is the pure essence of me wanting the Human condition to be actuated by decency at the end of a relationship.
I have never found it to be.
My experience has been that recriminations and vile comments have seemed to be the norm not the exception to the rule. I have always envied those who say that they have a "Great relationship" with a former spouse or lover, but I would hasten to say that is the exception to the rule.
All that being said, here are some basic rules for beginning a single's journey if you are the one who is initiating it.
First and foremost, be brutally honest with yourself and the reasons that you want a change and communicate that as honestly as possible to the other. It takes far more energy to give a canned response to the other person for not wanting to be with them. In the long run, they will appreciate it more and maybe it is something they can correct. Never be cruel, no matter what the circumstances.
Second, stay close to a confidant who is NOT personally involved. The reason for that is this is not to become a "Bash party" of the other person. You need clear headed advice, not a personal attack dog.
Third...Don't Look Back. There will be those weak moments that the other may encourage you to "allow a second, third or fourth chance." If you have come to your decision honestly by holding up the mirror to your relationship and seeing yourself, then you are where you are for a reason.
There is always a better future out there for you but you have to take the first step towards the light. It is worth the journey if it is based in an honest approach to the end of the last chapter.
I guess it is my own failing, or, my nature of wanting a better ending that I can possibly see coming if I stay the course. Whatever the reason, I have, more often than not, felt the sting of not taking decisive action. Perhaps it is the pure essence of me wanting the Human condition to be actuated by decency at the end of a relationship.
I have never found it to be.
My experience has been that recriminations and vile comments have seemed to be the norm not the exception to the rule. I have always envied those who say that they have a "Great relationship" with a former spouse or lover, but I would hasten to say that is the exception to the rule.
All that being said, here are some basic rules for beginning a single's journey if you are the one who is initiating it.
First and foremost, be brutally honest with yourself and the reasons that you want a change and communicate that as honestly as possible to the other. It takes far more energy to give a canned response to the other person for not wanting to be with them. In the long run, they will appreciate it more and maybe it is something they can correct. Never be cruel, no matter what the circumstances.
Second, stay close to a confidant who is NOT personally involved. The reason for that is this is not to become a "Bash party" of the other person. You need clear headed advice, not a personal attack dog.
Third...Don't Look Back. There will be those weak moments that the other may encourage you to "allow a second, third or fourth chance." If you have come to your decision honestly by holding up the mirror to your relationship and seeing yourself, then you are where you are for a reason.
There is always a better future out there for you but you have to take the first step towards the light. It is worth the journey if it is based in an honest approach to the end of the last chapter.
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