Knowing when or if you should divorce means having a comprehensive understanding of exactly what it means to divorce. Unless you are in a situation where divorce can be handled in a civil manner between you and your spouse, having full knowledge of what to expect in a high conflict divorce scenario is the only way you will be able to protect your legal rights.

The steps that I share below may seem simple, cut and dry but if you are divorcing a spouse who is angry, hurt over your decision to divorce or is unable to accept the idea of divorce, you will become involved with a system that is not equipped to protect you from your ex’s anger.

Understanding the emotional, financial and legal aspects of divorce before deciding to divorce means you will be making an informed decision about how and when to file for a divorce. And, what to expect if you are divorcing a narcissistic or passive aggressive spouse.

Below are the legal steps of divorce and what you can expect from an angry spouse during a high conflict divorce:

• File for Divorce: A divorce or dissolution usually begins with the filing of a form, typically referred to as a divorce petition. After the petition has been filed, a copy must be served on (or delivered to) your spouse. A personality disordered or angry spouse will respond in a negative way to you filing for a divorce.
  Expect your spouse to display anger and attempt to control your ability to divorce him/her. And most importantly, to hire a high powered attorney and attempt to use the family court system to abuse you.
  
   
  
• Divide Marital Property: Courts prefer that the parties work things out for themselves, and some states or counties require a mandatory mediation, which means meeting with a neutral third party who will help you resolve conflicts over who gets what when dividing marital property.
  Your spouse will not negotiate the division of marital property with you. He/she will not work toward an agreement through a third party mediator. Expect your spouse to thwart all attempts to civilly settle property issues and get your ducks in a row because you will have to go to court and request a family court judge decide who gets what when splitting marital property and assets.
  
   
  

• Decide Child Custody/Visitation: The single most important thing parents need to work out in a divorce is the way they will continue to raise their children, and it’s always best if they can work out this plan cooperatively. In high conflict situations you should not expect cooperation from your spouse.
  You will experience a full-frontal attack when it comes to child custody. There is no better way to hurt a spouse than to threaten their role in their children’s lives. A personality disordered or angry spouse will use their children to covertly assault the other spouse.
  
  Your spouse WILL file for full custody. Be prepared for that to happen before you even file the divorce paperwork. You should also expect accusations of child abuse, false accusations of domestic abuse and any other thing they can come up with that will paint you in a negative light as far as your ability to parent.
  
  Luckily, the family court considers the best interests of the children when deciding child custody. The court will look at the gender of the parents and children, their physical and mental health, emotional bonds and the effect on children of changing their living situation. Unless your spouse has indisputable evidence of your inability to properly parent your children, the courts will, more than likely award some type of standard child custody.
  
   
  
• Calculate Child Support: After a divorce or dissolution, both parents remain responsible for supporting the children. Divorcing parents need to decide how they will divide up the childcare expenses. There are several factors to consider in working this out, such as the income and assets of the parents and whether one parent has primary childcare responsibilities.
  In high conflict situations it isn’t unusual for the angry spouse to request child support that is lower than state guidelines. Or, more custodial time with the children in order to keep down the amount of child support they will be required to pay you once the divorce is final.
  
  The good news is that all states have guidelines for child support that are hard to trick and judges have very little discretion when deciding the amount of child support. More than likely your spouse, if ordered to pay child support will be ordered to pay a reasonable amount.
  
  Of course, just because a parent is ordered to pay child support doesn’t mean they will pay child support. It is in your best interest to make sure that you are in a position to provide financially for you and your children once the divorce is final. NEVER put yourself in the position of depending on child support that may never come.
  
   
  
• Final Judgment of Divorce: The final judgment of divorce is the final order of the court that legally ends the marriage. The final judgment contains legally binding orders about issues such as child custody, child support, visitation, spousal support, property division, and how property division is to be carried out.
  Since your situation is special, your spouse, now ex is highly angry and out to make you pay for a divorce they didn’t want. Due to this, you should consider a final judgment of divorce nothing but a promise on a piece of paper. Granted it is a piece of paper you can use in court should they defy the order but, in most situations holding an angry ex compliable means having unlimited financial resources.
  
  Essentially, with a high conflict divorce it is in your best interest to remain in a position of being able to support yourself once the divorce is final and not solely depend on the orders of the family court.
  

Bottom line, a high conflict divorce is not your average divorce. Those friends you know who have civil relationships with their ex, have never had issues with collecting child support and have found it easy to move on after divorce, are not examples of what you should expect life to be like during or after your divorce.